February 8, 2016

8:00 AM

Maybe the reason why I can’t cry the past few days is that I myself do not want to cry and feel anything.

I can’t even order the usual fastfood picks we love to have together. I can’t even stand to look at the usual grocery choices we usually have. I can’t even stand to buy or touch the things that remind me of him. Somehow a part of me still denies myself of feeling the grief. I don’t even want to go home because I know by now, the loneliness of the house will creep on me and have me crying just by the mere silence that now surely envelopes it.

But I know that I can’t run from it forever. I have to face it sooner or later. No matter how much I try to repress it. As I am writing this, I have been going over his facebook profile and somehow it wells my eyes out, and the stubborn me is trying to get away from it all and that I stopped. Maybe this is not the place for breaking down yet. Or who knows if I could actually suppress it much longer. Maybe any second or hours from now I will cry my heart out. Tears are on the brink of my eyes.

Here I am trying to run away from the heavy emotions again.

This is one of the desperate times that I want to ask for help but I don’t how you could help me out.

I felt so desperate I messaged my dad.

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