A friend once told me that love is a beautiful distraction. Yes. Yes it is.
In the moment that love is being true, it is definite, confident and certain.
My mother was an odd woman through the two pregnancies that she had (bearing my brother then me, only a year apart). Our relatives told us the odd set up my parents had everytime she conceived.
It was odd because, whenever she’s pregnant, she gives my father money, monthly that is, so he could spend it on some other woman, just to have sex, because she knows the need of a husband, and because she’d rather not have sex while she’s conceiving. My father, according to them, never spent the money on anyone but for her too, buying her things, food, dresses. HE NEVER EVEN THOUGHT OF SPENDING A NIGHT WITH ANY WOMAN BUT MY MOTHER.
I have not had a chance to ask her why. And what she would have thought if he did. But then I think I know the answer. She knew he wouldn’t spend it on another woman, just for the sex, because he wouldn’t want to hurt her in any way. My father loved my mother very much. I knew and I saw, how he tended to her when she was alive until she passed away, how he used to miss her every night thereafter. Even though he had a girlfriend for a year before he passed away too, the love he had for my mother was always there, it was never fading.
My mother trusted my father, because my father was really faithful and that’s the beauty of a love that is true. She was certain of his loyalty, she was confident of his man. And my father, in return was definite of his actions, he was never vague of his ways.
Love in its rawness is vague because it is selfish it is stupidly selfless.
It is selfish, it is a chosen risk, we choose to love for our happiness, we take the pain, the sacrifices, the adjustments that we think we deserve. We love when it is convenient. We love when we need to.
But, as selfish as it is, love is also selfless because it does not keep score of sorry’s, or i love you’s, or of words and actions. It is selfless when you choose to love despite nothingness, it is selfless when you hold on a string clinging on nothing but air hoping the other end will be held by them in time. Sometimes, they never take the other end. Unrequited though, but we continue loving. We love even though unconvenient, we love even if it is not needed.
Love is never complacent, it is all about acceptance.
It should mend as it forgives. It will heal hoping not to torn the same wound over and over again.
But healing isn’t just about not stabbing the wound by the one who inflicted it. In healing, the wounded should take part. The wounded should not pick the scab although it is itchy or dry, or tempting. The wounded would have to forgive the one who inflicted it, forgive or accept what has passed and also forgive themselves.
A wound never heals when you pick the scab over and over.
Accept flaws and past follies. You too are the same, maybe not of the sins but you…
You are not perfect. If they were there to accept you despite everything then thank them and love them the same. If somehow you can’t accept them, then maybe you are at fault. You think you are more virtuous and somehow you don’t need to accept their shortcoming.
You get so blinded and deaf by the hate you fail to see and hear what the other is saying. You no longer believe them because you can’t. You can’t forgive.
Forgiving does not mean forgetting altogether. Forgiving is renewing faith on other people. If you can’t forgive, then I don’t think you can love either.
Because love is accepting what’s there and not there, what is now and what is then.
The past need not even be reopened as long as it does not interfere with the present. We all have a past, memories, people, identities we would want to bury. And beware. If you can’t accept what you would find under all the dirt, then stop digging the past. If people would want you to know about their past, they would. And when they do tell you about it, it is your discretion and your obligation to see past those ‘past’ and see who is in front you.
Some people get stuck looking at the person of the past, they forget to see who’s in front of them. They get too sucked by the person they dug from the past they forget who they loved at the moment.
Love is powerful. But as it is powerful, love alone cannot sustain a relationship.
A relationship with love alone, is like a mere thought.
It is not concrete without taking action. It is a give and take process. Knowing your worth can help you give love easily. Never basing your self worth through others’ words thoughts and eyes. Your worth is beyond the person that they see. And you of all people should know that.
Love yourself so you know how you want to be loved, so you know how people want to be loved. And if they don’t have any idea how to love you, sometimes you have to show them how. People who love each other, mirrors one another. Love yourself as you would love another person. If they truly love you,they will love you as much even sometimes more than how you love them. They will never INTENTIONALLY make you feel less.
Sometimes, just because they did something that has offended or had upset us doesn’t mean that they wanted to make us feel mad or furious. Sometimes we have to hear and understand where they are coming from, the cause of the misunderstanding, the situation from their point of view. How you see a situation isn’t all there is to it. Communicate, most importantly, listen. Listen to them, the real reason, not to your hurting.
If a relationship doesn’t feel right then it’s not. You would know when it feels right. Maybe we have failed other relationships or maybe we never had any at first because we are being saved for the right person. If it is really for you it will all work out in the end.
I myself am not sure yet if he is the right one but for now I hope that he really is.
Love is a beautiful distraction but all the same it is a direction. A choice.
To love is hard, but it is a beautiful choice.
And as all things in this world are, love is also temporary, but you are the kind the kind of temporary that I hope will last my lifetime.
Disclaimer: Wala kaming away okay. HAHA. These are the things i’ve learned from my relationship, from my friends, and from my folks. Okay, kalma.